pricing • plans • perfectly fictional
Choose Your Plan
Pay monthly for services that absolutely do not exist. That’s commitment.
Individual
For solo creators, indie founders, and people who enjoy paying for vibes.
$19/month
- Basic video recommendations
- Up to 10 hours of analysis / month
- Support via interpretive dance (email optional)
Hours of analysis = wall-clock time our server spends thinking about thinking.
Most Purchased (by accident)
Business
For teams with a budget and a strong desire to say AI in meetings.
$99/month
- Advanced video analysis tools
- Up to 100 hours of analysis / month
- Priority support (we reply faster with the same answer)
- Customizable recommendations (rename buttons)
Includes 1 (one) quarterly strategy call with our Chief Vision Officer (a calendar invite you’ll ignore).
Enterprise
For organizations that require a PDF, an SLA, and a feeling of control.
Contact us
- Unlimited video analysis
- Dedicated account manager (a person-shaped concept)
- Custom integration + API access
- 24/7 premium support (we stay awake, metaphorically)
Enterprise contracts are negotiated in three currencies: USD, EUR, and alignment.
What you get (in theory)
DELIVERABLES
- A dashboard that looks expensive
- Recommendations that sound plausible
- Export buttons that export the feeling of control
DISCLAIMERS
- All claims are fictional and for entertainment
- No payments are actually processed on this site
- Any resemblance to a real startup is purely coincidental (and unfortunate)